Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Tea Party Joe

Joe gets up at 6 am and fills his coffeepot with water. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, Joe takes his daily medication. His medicine is safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but ten dollars of his prescriptions are paid by his employer's medical plan, because liberal union workers fought for medical insurance -now Joe gets it too. He prepares bacon and eggs for breakfast. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meatpacking industry.

Joe takes a shower and reaches for the shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its proportion of the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. .

Joe walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. He saves a lot of money in parking and gas because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, benefits, retirement, and paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker's comp or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is lunch time and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some· bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car, which is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by the Farmers Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe doesn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car to drive home, and listens to a talk radio show. The host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection Joe enjoys throughout the day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big government liberals running our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

This piece has been circulated in various forms on the Internet.

PPA Reprint: The Communicator

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